i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
