My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
