Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
