I seem to have left my pride at pride
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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