was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
