she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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