u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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