god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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