I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
