the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
