I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
