I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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