Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
