Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
