how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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