I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
