A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Shame is for Republicans.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
