butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
