i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
