i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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