My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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