I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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