last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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