he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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