butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
