There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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