Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
