I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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