Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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