She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize