i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
