He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
