Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
