I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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