So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
