Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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