last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
