thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
