Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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