I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
