Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
