Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
