Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
