put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
