You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
