saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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