i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
