It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
