I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
