Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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