Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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