I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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