I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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