Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
