I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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