you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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