How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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