Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
