I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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