sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
