If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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