I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize