Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
