Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
