I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
