great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
