I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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