i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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