i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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