she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
