i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
